Good morning Warriors,
I’ve been trying to figure out how to live my life and make changes to it, by living with fibro and other chronic pain conditions for the rest of my life. I don’t want to complain all the time or be miserable. But what the fuck?!! Pain has sure stopped me in my tracks. It has changed me to the point where I hardly go out anymore. Grocery shopping and clothes shopping, for example, used to be a breeze to do, now I’m so exhausted I can’t make it halfway through the stores or get winded trying to look through a clothes rack because the pain from moving my arms around gets too intense. Another example is that I used to be an outdoorsy/ fit woman. Hiking, biking and kayaking and working out were my all time favorites, I loved the challenge! Now walking longer than a 1/2 hour is a crazy challenge, I haven’t been hiking in 4 years! It causes too much pain in my legs ,low back and hips.
The realistic outlook is that I’m not capable of doing anything too active unfortunately. It breaks my heart! I have finally come to an acceptance place, I guess, that just because I’m limited with physical disabilities at least I can start to make changes within my life at home. Find new things that I can enjoy again. I now have to find hobbies to do at home, so I chose crocheting. Yup I’m going to make a hat and scarf….or try to at least. I need to rediscover myself on my likes and dislikes again. Hopefully this will help keep my mind busy and distracted. I paint also but only when my arms and shoulders don’t hurt. So there’s a lot of challenges in front of me.
All this is easier said than done. Pain changed me into some introverted, isolating depressed, anxiety ridden non-entity. I’m so fucking tired you guys! I push my limits and keep on the happy face, when underneath it all….. I’m naked with pain, depression and anxiousness that has a tendency to consume me for days or weeks at a time. I have decent days but I’m no where near the person I used to be. That woman has been left behind….a new woman is emerging. I’m not quite sure who she is yet. There are only pieces of me left, from what I can remember anymore. So much brain fog renders me speechless and I frequently forget what I’m doing. I don’t want to give up, I just need to have patience with myself and slow everything down. Although I live with not only fibromyalgia but,, chronic back and neck radiocupathy, arthritis, bipolar depression, anxiety, anxiousness, IBS, gastroparesis, reflux, TMJ, chronic headaches…etc. I’m realizing that I’ll go through periods of grief and acceptance constantly it’s a lifelong illness so I need to adjust my sails accordingly and make little changes to help me along my way. I love you all and hope this has helped someone in some way!